Love's Labour's Lost (version 2) - Free Audiobook

Scene II. The same.

LLL IV. 2 Enter Holofernes, Sir Nathaniel, and Dull.

Nath. Very reverend sport, truly; and done in the testimony of a good conscience.

003 Hol. The deer was, as you know, sanguis, in blood; ripe 004 as the pomewater, who now hangeth like a jewel in the ear 005 of caelo, the sky, the welkin, the heaven; and anon falleth like a crab on the face of terra, the soil, the land, the earth.

Nath. Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetly varied, like a scholar at the least: but, sir, I assure ye, it was a buck of the first head.

010 Hol. Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.

Dull. ’Twas not a haud credo; ’twas a pricket.

Hol. Most barbarous intimation! yet a kind of insinuation, as it were, in via, in way, of explication; facere, as it were, replication, or, rather, ostentare, to show, as it were, 015 his inclination, after his undressed, unpolished, uneducated, unpruned, untrained, or, rather, unlettered, or, ratherest, unconfirmed fashion, to insert again my haud credo for a deer.

Dull. I said the deer was not a haud credo; ’twas a pricket.

020 Hol. Twice-sod simplicity, bis coctus!

O thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!

Nath. Sir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bred in a book;

he hath not eat paper, as it were; he hath not drunk ink:

024 his intellect is not replenished; he is only an animal, only

025 sensible in the duller parts:

026 And such barren plants are set before us, that we thankful should be,

Which we of taste and feeling are, for those parts that do 027 fructify in us more than he.

028 For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a fool,

029 So were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a school:

030 But omne bene, say I; being of an old father’s mind,

Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.

032 Dull. You two are book-men: can you tell me by your wit

What was a month old at Cain’s birth, that’s not five weeks old as yet?

034 Hol. Dictynna, goodman Dull; Dictynna, goodman Dull.

035 Dull. What is Dictynna?

036 Nath. A title to Phœbe, to Luna, to the moon.

Hol. The moon was a month old when Adam was no more,

038 And raught not to five weeks when he came to five-score.

The allusion holds in the exchange.

040 Dull. ’Tis true indeed; the collusion holds in the exchange.

Hol. God comfort thy capacity! I say, the allusion holds in the exchange.

044 Dull. And I say, the pollusion holds in the exchange; 045 for the moon is never but a month old: and I say beside that, ’twas a pricket that the princess killed.

047 Hol. Sir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal epitaph 048 on the death of the deer? And, to humour the ignorant, 049 call I the deer the princess killed a pricket.

050 Nath. Perge, good Master Holofernes, perge; so it 051 shall please you to abrogate scurrility.

Hol. I will something affect the letter, for it argues facility.

054 The preyful princess pierced and prickd a pretty pleasing pricket;

055 Some say a sore; but not a sore, till now made sore with shooting.

056 The dogs did yell: put L to sore, then sorel jumps from thicket;

Or pricket sore, or else sorel; the people fall a-hooting.

058 If sore be sore, then L to sore makes fifty sores one sorel.

Of one sore I an hundred make by adding but one more L.

060 Nath. A rare talent!

Dull. [Aside] If a talent be a claw, look how he claws him with a talent.

063 Hol. This is a gift that I have, simple, simple; a foolish extravagant spirit, full of forms, figures, shapes, objects, 065 ideas, apprehensions, motions, revolutions: these are begot in the ventricle of memory, nourished in the womb of 066 pia mater, and delivered upon the mellowing of occasion. But 068 the gift is good in those in whom it is acute, and I am thankful for it.

070 Nath. Sir, I praise the Lord for you: and so may my parishioners; for their sons are well tutored by you, and their daughters profit very greatly under you: you are a good member of the commonwealth.

074 Hol. Mehercle, if their sons be ingenuous, they shall 075 want no instruction; if their daughters be capable, I will 076 put it to them: but vir sapit qui pauca loquitur; a soul feminine saluteth us.

Enter Jaquenetta and Costard.

078 Jaq. God give you good morrow, master Parson.

079 Hol. Master Parson, quasi pers-on. An if one 080 should be pierced, which is the one?

081 Cost. Marry, master schoolmaster, he that is likest to a hogshead.

083 Hol. Piercing a hogshead! a good lustre of conceit in a turf of earth; fire enough for a flint, pearl enough for a 085 swine: ’tis pretty; it is well.

086 Jaq. Good master Parson, be so good as read me this letter: it was given me by Costard, and sent me from Don Armado: I beseech you, read it.

089 Hol. Fauste, precor gelida quando pecus omne sub 090 umbra Ruminat,—and so forth. Ah, good old Mantuan! I may speak of thee as the traveller doth of Venice;

092 Venetia, Venetia,

Chi non ti vede non ti pretia.

Old Mantuan, old Mantuan! who understandeth thee not, 095 loves thee not. Ut, re, sol, la, mi, fa. Under pardon, sir, what are the contents? or rather, as Horace says in his— What, my soul, verses?

Nath. Ay, sir, and very learned.

099 Hol. Let me hear a staff, a stanze, a verse; lege, domine.

Nath. [reads]

100 If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love?

101 Ah, never faith could hold, if not to beauty vow’d!

102 Though to myself forsworn, to thee I’ll faithful prove;

103 Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like osiers bow’d.

Study his bias leaves, and makes his book thine eyes,

105 Where all those pleasures live that art would comprehend:

If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice;

Well learned is that tongue that well can thee commend;

All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder;

Which is to me some praise that I thy parts admire:

110 Thy eye Jove’s lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful thunder,

Which, not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire.

112 Celestial as thou art, O, pardon love this wrong,

113 That sings heaven’s praise with such an earthly tongue.

Hol. You find not the apostrophas, and so miss the 115 accent: let me supervise the canzonet. Here are only numbers ratified; but, for the elegancy, facility, and golden 117 cadence of poesy, caret. Ovidius Naso was the man: and why, indeed, Naso, but for smelling out the odoriferous 119 flowers of fancy, the jerks of invention? Imitari is nothing: 120 so doth the hound his master, the ape his keeper, the tired horse his rider. But, damosella virgin, was this directed to you?

Jaq. Ay, sir, from one Monsieur Biron, one of the 123 strange queen’s lords.

125 Hol. I will overglance the superscript: ‘To the snow-white hand of the most beauteous Lady Rosaline.’ I will look again on the intellect of the letter, for the nomination of 128 the party writing to the person written unto: ‘Your ladyship’s 129 in all desired employment, Biron.’ Sir Nathaniel, this 130 Biron is one of the votaries with the king; and here he hath framed a letter to a sequent of the stranger queen’s, which accidentally, or by the way of progression, hath miscarried. 133 Trip and go, my sweet; deliver this paper into the royal hand of the king: it may concern much. Stay not thy 135 compliment; I forgive thy duty: adieu.

Jaq. Good Costard, go with me. Sir, God save your life!

137 Cost. Have with thee, my girl. [Exeunt Cost. and Jaq.

Nath. Sir, you have done this in the fear of God, very religiously; and, as a certain father saith,—

140 Hol. Sir, tell not me of the father; I do fear colourable colours. But to return to the verses: did they please you, Sir Nathaniel?

Nath. Marvellous well for the pen.

Hol. I do dine to-day at the father’s of a certain pupil 145 of mine; where, if, before repast, it shall please you to gratify the table with a grace, I will, on my privilege I 147 have with the parents of the foresaid child or pupil, undertake 148 your ben venuto; where I will prove those verses to be very unlearned, neither savouring of poetry, wit, nor 150 invention: I beseech your society.

Nath. And thank you too; for society, saith the text, is the happiness of life.

Hol. And, certes, the text most infallibly concludes it. [To Dull] Sir, I do invite you too; you shall not say 155 me nay: pauca verba. Away! the gentles are at their game, and we will to our recreation. [Exeunt.