Love's Labour's Lost (version 2) - Free Audiobook

000 Scene II. A prison.

MAAN IV. 2 Enter Dogberry, Verges, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with Conrade and Borachio.

001 Dog. Is our whole dissembly appeared?

002 Verg. O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.

Sex. Which be the malefactors?

004 Dog. Marry, that am I and my partner.

005 Verg. Nay, that’s certain; we have the exhibition to examine.

Sex. But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them come before master constable.

Dog. Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is 010 your name, friend?

Bora. Borachio.

Dog. Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?

Con. I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.

Dog. Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, 015 do you serve God?

Con. Bora. 016 Yea, sir, we hope.

Dog. Write down, that they hope they serve God: and write God first; for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters, it is proved already that you 020 are little better than false knaves; and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?

Con. Marry, sir, we say we are none.

Dog. A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word 025 in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.

Bora. Sir, I say to you we are none.

Dog. Well, stand aside. ’Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?

030 Sex. Master constable, you go not the way to examine: 031 you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.

032 Dog. Yea, marry, that’s the eftest way. Let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince’s name, accuse these men.

035 First Watch. This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince’s brother, was a villain.

Dog. Write down, Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince’s brother villain.

039 Bora. Master constable,—

040 Dog. Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, I promise thee.

Sex. What heard you him say else?

Sec. Watch. Marry, that he had received a thousand 044 ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero 045 wrongfully.

Dog. Flat burglary as ever was committed.

047 Verg. Yea, by mass, that it is.

Sex. What else, fellow?

First Watch. And that Count Claudio did mean, upon 050 his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.

Dog. O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this.

Sex. What else?

055 Watch. This is all.

Sex. And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away; Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died. Master Constable, let 060 these men be bound, and brought to Leonato’s: I will go before and show him their examination. [Exit.

Dog. Come, let them be opinioned.

063 Verg. Let them be in the hands—

Con. Off, coxcomb!

065 Dog. God’s my life, where’s the sexton? let him write 066 down, the prince’s officer, coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty varlet!

068 Con. Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.

Dog. Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not 070 suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow; and, which 075 is more, an officer; and, which is more, a householder; and, 076 which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina; and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, 078 go to; and a fellow that hath had losses; and one that hath two gowns, and every thing handsome about him. Bring 080 him away. O that I had been writ down an ass! [Exeunt.